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29 September 2012 @ 03:50 pm
Red Ruby (Kame/Uchi)  
Title: Red Ruby
Pairing/Group: Kamenashi Kazuya/Uchi Hiroki
Rating/Warnings: PG-13
Summary: Everything is dark around him. Fog surrounds him and no one is able to help him out. But maybe there a light at the end of the tunnel.
Beta: ryo_pyon  Thanks my dear <3
Note: Written for the kame_exchange for soulsoul .






The pain crossed his body when he brushed the razor blade over his skin. It wasn’t the first time he did this, but he’d never get used to it. He knew it was wrong, and he knew he shouldn’t do it, but the painful emptiness in him went away when he felt the pain on his arm.


He felt some tears running down his face. The pain was overwhelming him and he tried to press his lips together to prevent himself from screaming. Some blood drops were running down his arm, pouring on the small towel he had placed on the table. He looked at them, the small red drops, leaving a red trail on his arm before they fell down. He made a second cut, trying again to prevent himself from screaming out loud. The pain the cuts caused made every other pain he felt disappear and he was able to concentrate only on this moment. Even though it was pain he felt, it was better than all the other miserable feelings he had deep inside him.


Half an hour later he buttoned up his shirt. He tried to hide every single wound he had on his arm and left the house some time later, a small smile around his lips. It was a faked smile, but no one would see it, because no one knew how he really felt.


***


Uchi smiled when he walked into the agency. It was the first day of planning his new tour with his band mates. He blinked when he saw some others passing his way. He turned around to look at the guy, who chatted with his friends. “What are you looking at, Hiro?” Daisuke asked.


“Doesn’t he look bad?” Uchi tilted his head a little bit, still staring at the slender figure. “He is so thin. And he looks so fragile.” He added.


His band mate nodded at him, but he didn’t seem to think properly about it. But Uchi did. Since weeks he looked at the guy. And each day he had the feeling that he looked worse. He shook his head to forget about it and let his band mate pull him down the corridor into their rehearsing room.


During rehearsal he forgot about the other one, but when he walked into the canteen during their break he saw him again. He sat on the other side of the room, poking in his food but not eating something. He smiled at his band mates. Uchi walked closer to maybe hear what they were talking about. “You aren’t hungry, Kazuya?” It was definitely Koki’s voice.


“No, not really. I had a lot for breakfast.” Kame smiled back at his friend. He pushed the plate away from himself.


“You don’t eat enough. Look how thin you are.” Uchi whispered. He started to care right after their drama shooting together. Kame was always nice to him, but from one day to the other something changed. Kame stopped talking with him and he didn’t even greet the other one anymore.


He walked up and passed the table where Kame was sitting. Uchi looked at him. He blinked when he saw Kame’s eyes meet his. A cold shiver ran down his spine. Not because his eyes were sad or tired, but because there was nothing. His eyes were empty, like he wasn’t even here right now. Uchi was sure that there was something broken in Kame’s eyes.


“Kame?” Uchi’s heart was beating faster when he stepped directly next to the other one.


“Yes?” Kame’s voice was thin and there was a sad and tired tone in it.


“The Yamanade crew wants to meet up tonight for a drink. I wanted to ask if you want to join?” Uchi swallowed the knot in his throat. He could see Kame was thinking about his words, but he wasn’t sure if the other one would agree to it.


“I don’t think that I have time tonight.” Kame tilted his head a bit.


“Oh c’mon Kame, it will be a lot of fun.” Uchi tried again. He pulled on Kame’s arm and drew back when he saw Kame wincing next to him. “I will see if I have time, maybe I will come.” Kame stuttered.


Uchi smiled brightly at him, but the other one returned it with just a little and short smile, which turned immediately in sorrow and pain again. “Great. 7pm my place.” Uchi added before he turned around and walked up to his band mates. He saw the feelings on Kame’s face. It made his heart beat faster and something in him was twitching painfully.


Uchi walked up and down in his apartment while he waited for Kame to arrive. Of course there was no one else at his place this evening. He just wanted to talk with Kame about the problems he feared the other one could have. He didn’t know if Kame would tell him something, or if he would ever get to know what was bothering him, but he at least wanted to try it.


***


Kame sat in his apartment. Everything was dark around him. It was 6pm. He had one hour till the meeting would start. He wasn’t sure if he really should go there. Something in him wanted to, but another – bigger – part wanted to stay at home to drown in his feelings.


There was this need again. He could feel it coming up in him and he couldn’t fight against it. He felt the pain overwhelming him, his breathe started getting faster, like he was running out of air. He rubbed his temples, his head seemed to explode. Sweat was on his forehead, and his hands started shivering. The memories came back to his mind, he relived everything again.


He stood up to take the little package he had right under his drawer. He opened the towel and took out the little razor blade. He twisted in his fingers. Kame knew it wasn’t right what he did, and he didn’t even want it, but he couldn’t help. He had the feeling to be forced to do it.


The first cut was always the hardest. The following ones weren’t that painful anymore. The pain in him was fading away and the only pain he felt was from the small stinging wounds. He shook his head when he felt everything around him get dizzy. He closed his eyes when everything started spinning around. He saw some blood on his hands, dropping down his body, before everything around him got dark.


***


Uchi looked at the clock. Half past 7pm. It was only a hope that Kame would come, because he didn’t said that he would. But something made Uchi doubt that Kame stayed away on purpose. He knew the other one. Maybe not that well, but the weeks where they had their shooting together they get to know each other.


Uchi remembered the day they stood together on the hotel’s balcony, chatting with each other. The others were already asleep, but he and Kame sat there, drinking another beer to talk about the filming, their friends and some private things. Uchi never had the feeling that Kame had bigger problems, at least not at this time. Kame was laughing with him, he told him about his future plans, about him and his boyfriend. Uchi stopped moving. Slight memories about Kame’s skin were popping up in his mind.


Kame’s mood change.

Kame’s sad and hurt expression.

Kame hiding from time to time.

Kame not being himself anymore.

Kame talking about his boyfriend like he was afraid of him.

Kame’s wounds on his arms, not even visible at this time.



Uchi didn’t know if he was right, but he couldn’t wait until Kame would come and tell him. He was sure that he wouldn’t come by this evening, so Uchi decided to visit him instead.


He ran down the street, looking from left to right. He wasn’t sure where exactly Kame was living, but he remembered Kame talking about his neighbour having a balcony full of roses. He checked the names at the doorbell and rang at Kame’s door plate.


He waited some moments, but nothing happened. Kame didn’t open. Uchi walked around, looking up at the windows which belonged to Kame’s apartment. “Light.” Uchi whispered. He rubbed his temples. “He has to be at home.” Uchi walked to the front door and rang the landlord’s door.


“Excuse me, but I think a friend of mine forgot to turn off his lights.” Uchi said. He waited. He could see the landlord was sceptical about him, but in the end he guided him to Kame’s apartment.


The knot in Uchi’s throat grew bigger and bigger. He slowly walked into Kame’s apartment. First there was nothing, but when he saw the other one lying half over the table, his eyes closed, Uchi started running. “Kazuya” he started shaking the other one’s body. Kame breathed out, his eyes half closed.


Kame heard someone talking to him. The dizziness in his head started fading away. Slowly the things around him started to be clear again. He looked to the side. “Hiroki?” he whispered.


“Don’t talk now. I’ll call an ambulance.” Uchi’s hands were trembling. He wiped away some hair from Kame’s face, brushing his cheek to calm him down. He stood up and searched for some towels and pot with water.


Uchi knelt down next to Kame and started cleaning the wounds with the water. He put the towels around Kame’s hands to prevent the blood from running. Uchi shook his head when he felt like fainting. All the blood on his hands around them on the table made him feel like throwing up, but he tried to resist.


“I am sorry.” Kame murmured. “Really sorry.” He closed his eyes.


“Stop Kazuya. It’s okay, but you need help now.” Uchi felt the other one’s head falling on his shoulder. He let him, placing his hand around his shoulder, stroking Kame’s back to calm him down.


***


Uchi walked up and down, waiting for the doctors to return from Kame’s room. He stopped walking, sat down, stood up again and started walking again.


Finally the door got open. “He is alright. You brought him in time. It’s not that bad.” The doctor patted Uchi’s shoulder. “You can go in now.” Uchi nodded at the doctor and thanked him.


He stepped forward and knocked on the door before he walked in. Kame lay there, his skin pale and his eyes closed. Right when Uchi went to leave the room, he heard the other one started talking. “I am sorry for bothering you. I think I did something really stupid.”


Uchi turned around. He sat down next to Kame’s bed and took the other one’s hand in his. “What happened?”


Kame felt a warm heat crossing his body when Uchi touched his hand. “He pulled me down. Told me I am worthless. A nobody. A person no one should get involved with. At some point I started believing in his words. He used me, my body. Took everything he needed. I felt dirty, broken and my soul seems to be ripped in pieces. The pain overwhelmed me. I search for some other pain and found only this way.” Kame looked at the bandages on his hands. He nibbled on his lips, his cheeks started burning like fire. He wasn’t sad or enraged. He was embarrassed because he never thought that something like this could happen to him.


When he heard Uchi calling his name and he saw him caring about him, he remembered what was important in his life. Since the drama shooting Uchi was spinning in his head, and in the moment the door opened he hoped it was him who would bring him out there. Not that he really believed that it would be him, but his hope became a reality.


“I should have stopped this relationship long before it turned out like this. I knew that it lead into nothing, because there was someone else for months. But I couldn’t let go.” Kame shook his head.


“Someone else?” Uchi hooked in.


“Hiroki, can you help me getting out of this vicious circle?” Kame ignored the other one’s question. “Can you help a stupid boy to get a normal life again?”


Uchi smiled a bit, his heart making some jumps. He brushed Kame’s cheek and leaned a bit forward to place a kiss there. “Sure, no matter how long it will take.”


Kame smiled at him. He tried to sit up and wrapped his arms around Uchi’s neck before he could protest and order him to lie down again. “Thanks.” Kame whispered. He smiled at Uchi. It was a tired smile, but it wasn’t sad. Uchi could see a small sparkle in Kame’s eyes. The things he didn’t see for a long time were there again. His eyes weren’t empty anymore, there were feelings in them. “No problem.” Uchi answered, returning the smile. He felt Kame’s lips on his, and he knew he’d help him out there, no matter how long or how difficult it would turn out to be

.
 
 
 
☆彡: uchi, white suitkouchi on September 29th, 2012 04:29 pm (UTC)
You know how much I loved this? *________* <333
yukitsubute: KameUchiyukitsubute on October 3rd, 2012 08:12 am (UTC)
Thanks soooo much, I am really glad you liked it. <3 *hugs*
lilly0: Uchi sweaterlilly0 on September 30th, 2012 02:21 pm (UTC)
Uchi = sugoi & kakkoi!
Kame = *criiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies*
Poor boy, really! This guy really was horrible towards him. Kame is perfect and wonderful and his boyfriend should have been honored to have such a great guy and not hurt him ><

I'm glad that Uchi was there and felt that something was off with Kame. And I'm glad that he didn't give up and kept being at his side. Now, hopefully, he will be able to be at Kame's side for real and help him regain his self-confidence again <3


Thanks so much for writing this!! <3
yukitsubute: KameUchiyukitsubute on October 5th, 2012 06:01 am (UTC)
I know, Kame is a poor boy here, isn't he?! X_X

Uchi is just .... sweet. ^^ He is juat perfect for Kame now. :P

<3 Thanks sooo much for reading and commenting my dear *hugs*
vflmaeuschen on October 22nd, 2012 12:46 pm (UTC)
This was really beautiful. Kame and Uchi are way too underappreciated as a pairing! ;)
Thank you for writing this!
yukitsubute: KameUchi manlyyukitsubute on October 25th, 2012 06:44 am (UTC)
Thanks soooo much for reading and commenting. <3

I love writing KameUchi, they really are cute together. <3

Thanks again *hugs*
fancyann1974fancyann1974 on March 12th, 2013 10:55 pm (UTC)
so sad and very touching
glad uchi is there to help kame
thank you so much for sharing
****hugs****
laksmianinditalaksmianindita on May 21st, 2013 03:46 am (UTC)
i find this fic is sad but makes me feel warm at the same time...
(is that even make sense?)
:)